rant

i really need to get this out. so i apologize before hand if it is a waste of your time. i know a few of you are cursed enough to know some of my past history. well as of late it seems that every so often it creeps up on me. not so much by memory or something like that, it's more like by association. without going into too much detail i am so irritated and mystified by people in general (well more like certain individuals, but i'm really not one to gossip). i just want to understand how people are okay with being just plain stupid. i really cannot fathom how anyone would allow themselves to be so irresponsible. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT TO THROW THEIR LIFE AWAY! call me naive, but it just doesn't compute in my head. if your life is shitty why would you continue to do things that only make it worse. the selfishness, the stupidity and the overwhelming fact that you lack complete control of your own self just seems like a cop-out. be responsible for something. be honest with yourself. i mean for christ sake grow a set and be something better than a deadbeat.
i.e. if you have children and are too selfish to not use drugs. too irresponsible to keep a job. too mental to be a REAL parent for the child you brought into this world. don't get all defensive and suicidal because DCFS is going to take your children away and give them to a responsible person who can give them the love that you refused to give them! don't try and blame it on anyone else but yourself. YOU are the only one that controls you and the things that you do. it just is so unbelievable that people would really act that way and really be okay with acting that way. i guess i'm not really one that cares about what other people think of me either, but i do care about what i think of myself.
this is probably a question i am going to have to face a repeated amount of times in my life and honestly i never expect to really ever find the real answer. but for now i am beyond frustrated, irritated, there really aren't words to describe my feelings correctly right now. BUT YOU STUPID WHORE, JUST STOP!