body malfunctions

Just recently I really started looking for a second job instead of just thinking about it. I was hired on at a temp agency two weeks ago and have just been ironing out a few details before I actually start working for them. Yesterday I went in for the drug test -which also happens to be the third time I've gone in for the test (which is a completely different story that would probably cause you to  poke your own eyeballs out if you had to read about it). They had explained the procedure to me beforehand and mentioned that someone would be in the bathroom with me. Of course I panicked. I have a super weird thing about people being able to hear me while I pee. Most the time when I have no choice but to use a public restroom, there are plenty of people making excessive amounts of noise, so I don't stress. But this time it was going to be me and just one person, who is waiting no less, for me to urinate. I can't ask her to step out or turn on the faucet because it would seem like questionable behavior.

I went prepared downing 3 large cups of coffee and 2 water bottles right before, that way I would HAVE no alternative but to pee when I got there. Once in my car I really started feeling all caffeine I had practically inhaled. My hands started shaking uncontrollably, I was bouncing in my seat, and on top of all that I wasn't really able to feel my legs from the knees down. How brilliant I am! How about next time I go in for a drug test I don't look like I coming down from last nights hit. I arrived at my destination... could hardly walk because my lower half was tripping out on a caffeine rush, I started stuttering to the receptionist because I was ultra nervous to have someone listen to me relieve my bladder. Mind you I was doing the pee dance, because I swear I have never had to pee that bad in my entire life. I must have looked and sounded like a junkie on the ride down from spectacular high. Finally! I was allowed to follow her into the restroom where I'm pretty sure I snatched that little pee cup out of her hand and ran into the stall. It was as I feared! I could not squeeze a drop from my bladder that was containing more fluid than the Atlantic Ocean. After waiting the longest three minutes of that poor receptionists life, I resorted to pushing on my lower abdomen to force that fluid out of me. I barely had enough to reach that stupid blue line. Test over, I failed -kidding- I drove like a bat out of hell to my other job and peed 20 gallons! 

True Story! Happy Tuesday.