1 week

so, i leave in a week.
i am so excited and terrified at the same time.
jillian and i will be taking an adventure.
where you ask?
to europe.

in the 15 days that we will be gone
we are going to be traveling so much.
by plane, bus, ferry, train, and our own little feet.

this little adventure is going to be amazing!
if all works according to plan i will be able
to see one of my number one places to see in my
lifetime. in fact a few of my number one places.

six more days, 90 more hours of work,
a shit ton of light packing and unpacking,
and our adventure will begin.

farwell.
i shall return... maybe.

<3

Soo....

obviously it has been a while. it doesn't really feel like the last post was two months ago but i suppose that it was. i don't really have an excuse as to why i haven't been blogging. i guess the main reason is lack of motivation. i have zero motivation to do anything. work consumes all my energy; that is a very sad thing to admit but honestly it's true. as my birthday approaches this year i'm beginning to feel that i have made so many mistakes in the order i let my life go. i see those around me married, getting married, having children, graduating college, creating a sustainable future for themselves. and still here i sit, time never slowing, age always continuing i'm in the same place that i was at the tender age of 18. progress has plateaued... if there was ever any actual progress made. basically my future feels like it has been stuck in a rut for far too long. i have been reminiscing lately and realized how much of my future i let slide through my fingers in hopes of holding onto something that just wasn't working. i denied myself so many opportunities to better my life. i have the excuse of being young, naive, and stupid but do allow myself to do that again. it's time i buck up and face that i need to work on MY future. i need to stop finding excuses to put it off. my age says i'm an adult so hell i better start acting like one.
despite how dreadful this sounds, my dear friends, i am actually quite happy. i have amazing, loving, and supportive friends who have kept me lifted these past few months. they're there reminding me that there is a light at the end of this dark path.
school is actually in sight now after so long being just out of my reach. my resolution to never make the same mistake twice is holding strong. after years of denying myself the future i deserve, i'm taking the steps to make it the best future possible. letting myself be whole again after so long of pretending that i didn't feel. letting go of the past that weighs so heavily on my heart...

finally, i will be free.